Most of the problems with this essay are not related to the grammatical use of English. That is fine.
It's not uncommon for people to revert to babytalk and infantile ideas when they are aware that their vocabulary is limited.
Resist that tendency.
This essay was not worth reading, and only partly because the assigned topic makes it hard to come up with anything worthwhile to say. It makes it hard -- but not impossible. You should have done more work to express these banal ideas in a more appealing way -- varied sentence structure, maybe, and a spicier vocabulary.
Almost everybody has a mobile phone. But is it a great invention? I think there are both advantages and disadvantages.
> This is a poor intro. It has no life, no "snap." It doesn't draw the reader in. It is plodding, obvious, and dull.
> For a tiny piece like this one, the opening sentence should be what is called a "hook." A hook grabs the reader's attention and makes him want to read the following passage.
> Until you do the mental work to come up with an intro that is a "hook," don't bother to write one at all. A bad intro is worse than none.
> Delete these sentences
Today, mobile phones have become popular to everybody since they are convenient.
> It's not easy to come up with something interesting to say when the material is self-evident.
> But don't make it worse by using the most stodgy and boring sentence structure available.
Because of the great convenience of mobile phones, they are now a modern-day must-have -- the 21st century equivalent of a businessman's fountain pen.
The most advantage of having a mobile phone is you can communicate to your family, your friends, and your business no matter what where you are.
> If you must say the self-evident, at least try to make the expression fresh or lively.
Jetting to Europe or stalled in traffic, with your mobile phone you're always in touch with your family, your friends, and your business.
We also use special applications for listening music, playing games, surfing the net, and texting messages.
> The problem with writing down something that everyone already knows is that it makes it sound like you are writing a story for people who are six years old.
> It is crucial that you remove that problem by saying these infantile things in a spicy or interesting way.
Special apps for texting, listening to music, playing games, and surfing the web keep ourphones plugged into our heads around the clock.
> "Besides that" means "in addition to that"
> You use "besides that" when you are going to add more of the same
> But in this case, you are not adding more of the same
> You are turning the direction of your remarks around
> For that use, the correct conjunction is "but"
there are lots of disadvantages.
> This ends rather abruptly
> for a better transition, add something more
be careful. There are also some disadvantages to using our beloved cellies.
Using mobile phones can harm our brains, especially for those who are under the age of sixteen.
> Unless "we" are all under the age of 16, it is better to refer to it as "the brain," rather than "our brains."
> Since this is far from a known fact, it is better to place the data in the opinions of SOME people
Some researchers have claimed that mobile phones are harmful to the brain, especially for children.
Excessive use of mobile phones has been accused of causing dizziness, and "radiations emmitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum" , say many scientists.
> "Many" scientists do not say this, and it is no doubt scientifically false
> ONE scientist said this
> He even used a slang expression in his quote: "dead harmful" is not standard English; it is a personal idiosyncrasy of speech.
> The remark is in quotation marks, which means that it is a direct quote directly from the mouth of a specific person
> "Many scientists" did not stand up all at once and chant this line, so you can't attribute a specific utterance to a group.
> If you don't know his name, you can write "according to a publicity-seeking quack quoted in a tabloid journal of bad repute" or something like that
> "emitted" is spelled wrong
Excessive use of mobile phones has been accused of causing dizziness, and "radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum," according to one researcher in the field.
In addition, when we use mobile phones while we are driving, we will get in an accident.
> This is logically false, and the ridiculous and simplistic nature of statements like this contribute to making this piece infantile
> Using cell phones probably increases the risk of accidents
> It is now considered un-PC to call them "accidents" on the grounds that they are caused by avoidable driver misconduct
> traffic accidents are now called "car crashes"
In addition, using a mobile phone while driving hikes the risk of getting into a car crash.
In summary, mobiles are a great invention but they still have many issues. You have to protect yourself from the bad effects of mobiles if you choose to have one.
> Just delete this on the grounds that it is not adding a single thing that would repay the reader the trouble of seeing it.
> It is not interesting, amusing, entertaining, informative, new, or any of the millions of other reasons why we might read something.
> Do some mental work to think of "What would be good to say in conclusion? What can I say to wrap this up that would be good to read?"
> A teeny piece like this, with almost no ideas in it, does not need a "summary."
> You might give it a "conclusion" just so it doesn't end so abruptly
> But a conclusion is not just a dull repeat of the self-evident and dull stuff that we JUST HEARD 15 SECONDS AGO!!!
> Not unless you are writing for people who are 6.
> You can't say "they have issues." It's ridiculous.
> Think of some interesting way to CLOSE the passage, not "summarize" it.
Advantages and Disadvantages of Mobile – Essay, Speech, Article, Paragraph
Essay on Mobile
Mobile Phones were invented by Martin Cooper in 1973 but the mobile phones were brought into the market in the year 1983. A mobile phone is a device which connects you with people even if you are far away from them. They can make you connect with your friends and relatives who live in abroad. Earlier, the mobile phones were able to perform very fewer functions but nowadays mobile phones perform a lot of functions such as of calculator, alarm, video chat, messaging, you can also make presentations, click pictures etc. Mobile Phone is an important and popular innovation of technology and has its own advantages and disadvantages. In this essay, the advantages and disadvantages of Mobile Phones are being discussed.
Merits and Demerits of Mobile Phones
Advantages of Mobile Phones (Pros of Mobile Phones)
Mobile phones are really convenient as you can call anyone and anywhere to ask anything. With the help of mobile phones, we all stay connected with our friends and relatives who stay far away from us. They help us a lot as when we are in the problem we can contact our friends and family members. We can pass our time when bored by playing games on mobile phones.
Nowadays, our mobile phones keep us informed about everything. We can install applications with the help of which we can know about all the latest news. You don’t need to carry cameras as you can click amazing pictures with your mobile phones. We can also record our voice. With the help of GPS technology, we can know about all the locations even about where more traffic is and where is less. There is also a flashlight in our phones which helps us like a handy torch. There are various educational applications that may help in increasing the knowledge of people.
Today, Mobile Phones acts as our instructor, teacher, guide, advisor, director etc. our parents stay less worried as they can call us anytime and get to know about us. You don’t always need laptops for connecting to Social Medias and making presentations. We can also set a reminder in our Mobile Phones so that we don’t forget our important days. We can listen to songs FM radio etc. video Chat option, MMS, sending emails all these functions can also be performed with the help of Mobile Phones.
Disadvantages of Mobile Phones (Cons of Mobile Phones)
Mobile Phones are a big distraction and don’t let you concentrate on your studies. They interrupt you a lot when you are doing some work with their notifications. Mobile Phones are really costly nowadays. There are many security issues related to mobile phones. Some of us become nostalgic.
It affects your health too that is it affects your eyesight and the rays coming out of the mobile phones are really harmful. Repetitive strain Injury can also occur to our fingers by continuously tapping at your mobile phone. You become so addicted to a mobile phone that you forget your real life relationships and communication reduces in your relationships. It makes you away from your social circle if you are so much addicted to it.
We also become addicted to games and continue playing games all the time. It is also a distraction for college students in their studies as they use mobile phones during lectures when their teachers are teaching. The call bills and internet bills are so much that it makes mobile phones even more costly. The battery and other electronic parts are harmful to the environment also. It can be a great nuisance in the places like library, temples, church etc. listening music constantly with earphones or headphones can harm your eardrums very badly. The criminals click vulgar pictures with the help of cameras. Using mobile phone while it is being charged is really dangerous. Using mobile phones while driving is also dangerous for yours as well as others life.
Read Also: Advantages and Disadvantages of Television (TV) – Essay, Speech, Article
Conclusion on Pros and Cons of Mobile Phones
As everything has its own advantages and disadvantages, mobile phones also have its advantages as well disadvantages. We should use mobile phones properly without harming our health, life, environment and others life.
If you like the article, do comment and share.
Incoming Search Terms:
Advantages and Disadvantages of Mobile – Essay, Speech, Article, Paragraph4.4 (87.15%) 123 votes